Building Sand Bridges Into the Sea
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One child escaped. She will be healthy, wealthy and wise.
The other child remains with his mother. He is lost in the constantly moving minefields of his mother's emotional dyslogia.
She has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder - OCPD.
The RIGHT Stuff - Dr. Steven Phillipson
The Dimensional Perspective - High Conscientiousness Profile
(The disorder prevents her from forming intimate relationships and normal friendships. Worst of all, it prevents her from seeking help.)
She can't be wrong or emotionally out-of-control. To be either would be imperfect - and that's not allowed in her world. Since she was a little girl, there have been two constants in her life: to be perfect and be her mother's golden girl. In her innate need for both, she slowly disappeared into an all-consuming ball of self-hatred. Even embracing a religion didn't salve her soul. It only tempered her self-hatred with a profane love for self-righteousness.
She needs someone to love her, but it's a one-way street - she can't return the love. She must keep all of her emotions in check. To return love makes her feel weak and exposed, so she finds fault with the person seeking her love. It keeps everyone, including her child, at arm's length.
A young child soon learns that a mother's unconditional love, something so basic in human nature that you take it for granted, comes with an emotional slap every time the child gets close to momma. At an early age, the child begins the search to a question without an answer, "Why doesn't my momma love me?"
If someone knows her, even a little bit, she is threatened by their knowledge. They know her secret - that she is not perfect in mind, body or spirit. To keep people away, she drowns those around her, and ultimately herself, in an acidic, passive-aggressive love. The individuals who remain must be guilty for her failures and flaws and accept the blame for her sins.
The boy has never known any other type of love from his mother. Her world is his world; where the sane assumes the reality of others. To live in her world, he must assume her basis of character and truth. It's a world where they can't accept responsibility for their acts or behavior. A world where they place blame on anyone other than themselves.
The mental health professionals who helped the boy knew of the mother's condition and the devastation she caused, but they couldn't address her problem. To help him, everyone agreed to work around her. She never knew.
Since the gods are balanced in meting out a person's life, they gave the boy a golden feather. He knows she hates confrontation and the accompanying loss of emotional control, so he pushes her buttons and works her like a rented mule. In return, his mother opens her wallet, but not her heart. The boy gets what he wants, but not what he needs. It's a self-made prison that only he can escape.
The coming years will not be kind to her. Her condition, already advanced, will worsen. It will deeply affect her ability to accept change and interact with people. Unfortunately, by her basic nature, she alienates people. She needs people, just like everyone else; she just can't connect to them. She's never been able to.
Much to her chagrin, she's at a loss as to why people don't like her. Yet, anyone who has known her for a short period of time understands why. She sees and values a person as either above her in status or below her. There is no in-between.
Never one to make or keep friends, she now counts clients and business acquaintances as friends. To her, they are safe. They don't know her. They never will. They only see her practiced personality. The one reserved for the public and not family. The nice one that doesn't hurt. They see the five P's: Perfect Planning Prevents Pi$$ Poor Performance, Sir.
In the future, her son will be her sole companion. When he leaves for university, she will have no one to blame for her flaws and no one to love her. She will find cause for him to return home. If he does, he will never develop into a whole human being. If he leaves, he will realize how fortunate he was to escape.
Before her son moved in with her, no one else wanted her. After he leaves, no one else will. The door will close and she will pay for the sins she committed against her children.
They will not come to visit her. There will always be an excuse or a reason. She will blame them for not wanting to be with her. She will be alone - as she has always been all her life.
Alone to build sand bridges into the sea.
Alone to curse the waves for their destruction.
Alone.
Perfectly alone.
-
One child escaped. She will be healthy, wealthy and wise.
The other child remains with his mother. He is lost in the constantly moving minefields of his mother's emotional dyslogia.
She has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder - OCPD.
The RIGHT Stuff - Dr. Steven Phillipson
The Dimensional Perspective - High Conscientiousness Profile
(The disorder prevents her from forming intimate relationships and normal friendships. Worst of all, it prevents her from seeking help.)
She can't be wrong or emotionally out-of-control. To be either would be imperfect - and that's not allowed in her world. Since she was a little girl, there have been two constants in her life: to be perfect and be her mother's golden girl. In her innate need for both, she slowly disappeared into an all-consuming ball of self-hatred. Even embracing a religion didn't salve her soul. It only tempered her self-hatred with a profane love for self-righteousness.
She needs someone to love her, but it's a one-way street - she can't return the love. She must keep all of her emotions in check. To return love makes her feel weak and exposed, so she finds fault with the person seeking her love. It keeps everyone, including her child, at arm's length.
A young child soon learns that a mother's unconditional love, something so basic in human nature that you take it for granted, comes with an emotional slap every time the child gets close to momma. At an early age, the child begins the search to a question without an answer, "Why doesn't my momma love me?"
If someone knows her, even a little bit, she is threatened by their knowledge. They know her secret - that she is not perfect in mind, body or spirit. To keep people away, she drowns those around her, and ultimately herself, in an acidic, passive-aggressive love. The individuals who remain must be guilty for her failures and flaws and accept the blame for her sins.
The boy has never known any other type of love from his mother. Her world is his world; where the sane assumes the reality of others. To live in her world, he must assume her basis of character and truth. It's a world where they can't accept responsibility for their acts or behavior. A world where they place blame on anyone other than themselves.
The mental health professionals who helped the boy knew of the mother's condition and the devastation she caused, but they couldn't address her problem. To help him, everyone agreed to work around her. She never knew.
Since the gods are balanced in meting out a person's life, they gave the boy a golden feather. He knows she hates confrontation and the accompanying loss of emotional control, so he pushes her buttons and works her like a rented mule. In return, his mother opens her wallet, but not her heart. The boy gets what he wants, but not what he needs. It's a self-made prison that only he can escape.
The coming years will not be kind to her. Her condition, already advanced, will worsen. It will deeply affect her ability to accept change and interact with people. Unfortunately, by her basic nature, she alienates people. She needs people, just like everyone else; she just can't connect to them. She's never been able to.
Much to her chagrin, she's at a loss as to why people don't like her. Yet, anyone who has known her for a short period of time understands why. She sees and values a person as either above her in status or below her. There is no in-between.
Never one to make or keep friends, she now counts clients and business acquaintances as friends. To her, they are safe. They don't know her. They never will. They only see her practiced personality. The one reserved for the public and not family. The nice one that doesn't hurt. They see the five P's: Perfect Planning Prevents Pi$$ Poor Performance, Sir.
In the future, her son will be her sole companion. When he leaves for university, she will have no one to blame for her flaws and no one to love her. She will find cause for him to return home. If he does, he will never develop into a whole human being. If he leaves, he will realize how fortunate he was to escape.
Before her son moved in with her, no one else wanted her. After he leaves, no one else will. The door will close and she will pay for the sins she committed against her children.
They will not come to visit her. There will always be an excuse or a reason. She will blame them for not wanting to be with her. She will be alone - as she has always been all her life.
Alone to build sand bridges into the sea.
Alone to curse the waves for their destruction.
Alone.
Perfectly alone.
-
posted by Mike Chandler | 10:35 PM
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